Monday, May 28, 2012

Calm Before the Storm!

Omgoodness! We are so close to having two sweet little babies! I am excited/ nervous/ and everything in between!

I do have some great news though! Thanks to Lyndsey Carroll! She emailed me a while back with her own personal story with her son who was also born with Gastroschisis. You can view his story here. It's so touching and it definitely brought a few tears to my eyes so be careful! She is so sweet! Unfortunately, it took me a while to reply to her since I really didn't feel like random people I didn't know were reading my blog! So I didn't think twice to check my email as often as I check my Facebook! I wrote her back as soon as I came across the email, even if it was pretty late and to my surprise, received another email within the hour! She sent me a link to another woman who recently had twin boys with Gastroschisis! Whoa! After everything the doctors have been telling us about the rarity of our situation, I am soooooo excited to meet another family going down the same path we are. Her babies are so sweet! Twin boys (: Little miracles! They had silo bags which we will not have according to our surgeon. So far from what she has told me, the complications were pretty minimal compared to other stories I have came across. She is blessed <3

I am trying hard to prepare for not being able to hold my babies for hours, days, or even weeks. I am trying hard to prepare myself for seeing them for the first time. The mixed emotions of being excited and devastated all at the same time are sure to kill me but I know I have to be strong and hold it together for my babies. Last night, I had a pretty hard break down. I guess it's to be expected since I haven't really had that "let it all out moment" that I usually have with live changing events. The hardest part is not knowing what will happen. I have so many questions... Of course there's the typical "why me, why us?".. "will they be okay?".. "what if the worst that can happen, happens?". Like I said, it's hard not knowing. I am calm and collected now because I know my babies do not need to feel me stressed, stress themselves out and try to make an early arrival. The worst part about that is being "blamed" instead of comforted. Yeah, "Well, that's probably why you are having contractions. You are stressing too much." Heads up, it only makes it worse when it feels like you are blaming me. I wont say who said this to me. I will say thank you to all my friends and recently made friends who understand whether your baby has gastro or not. I appreciate every aspect of help and support because I feel like sometimes, I'm not getting it where I should be. I am just doing my best to stay positive!

The army has failed me completely and continues to do so. So that's just another great stress factor in my life. The only thing I am greatful for from the Army is actually putting me here at Walter Reed, TDY or not so that my little ones can receive proper care. That and getting me out of Germany period. I have never and I know I never will be as stressed as I was in that environment. I guess for now, there is not much left to say!

I certainly will not forget to mention this special day regardless of what situation the army has put me in... Happy Memorial Day!

 This is a quote I came across on a recent trip to Washington D.C. So moving. As a soldier myself, I pay great respects to my brothers and sisters in arms before me.