Sunday, June 3, 2012

Lots of Rambling. Ooops!

As most of you know, the babes and I had a recent trip to the hospital. We spent just 2 nights in there. What a drag. I just want to clear some things up about the "scare".

Prior to going in, because I've been told so many times that my case is so rare (both babies having gastroschisis) - resulted in doctors telling me that even if the slightest thing happens I need to come to labor and delivery. I didn't really see this as a problem as the babes are really just chillin. Well on Tuesday, I had a baby shower to attend. It was held by the Post FRG leader here at Walter Reed. It was a lot of fun! We got some goodies and play some fun games - which reminds me, I need to freshen up on nursery rhymes! Anywho... Me being pregnant, after the hour and a half of excitement, you know I had to go tinkle! So on my way out, I stopped and "utilized the latrine". Hahah. Yeah, my mucus plug decided to come say hi! Well prior to this, I had a few braxton hicks so I headed straight for L&D instead of going back to my hotel room - goodies in hand and all! Well I got there and they were surprised that I had come in just for losing my mucus plug - of course once I explained the situation, they were more understanding. Well check up went okay. I was 2 cm. Nothing to really worry about since it didn't progress while I was there. My cervix was still more than 3 cm sooooo everything was really good. They kept me there "just in case" something did change. But 2 days later, nothing changed. I was still having irregular contractions and staying calm. They did give me 2 steroid shots to help Sophie and Cameron's lungs grow just in case they do decide to come a little early. So I am relieved about that. All in all - I just wanted to clear things up. I've been hearing that I was in labor, which isn't true. I know if I were on the outside looking in, I'd probably worry the same way!

I do have a great support system between Brandon's very sweet and welcoming family and of course my family who are all so crazy but all have the best intentions.

I guess I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately on what really matters to me and what bridges I better not burn and which are better left to ashes. I know in my last post I said that I wasn't getting support where I needed it. Well, that's not entirely true. I thought at the time it was because I felt like some people in my family were just being selfish and not understanding my stress. Looking at the situation and the past overall - thanks to my Aunt Emily, I realize that I am also being selfish.

Okay, let me make this more understandable because it looks as though I am just rambling. Haha. My mom and I have never had the best relationship. I always get jealous when people say things like, "I have the best mom in the world!". Because I have never felt that way and I'm not saying that I will ever feel that way but I do know that I am learning to appreciate her more and more every day. My mom was never really there for me the way most mothers are there for their daughters when I was "growing up" so a lot about being a woman, I learned on my own - and let's face it, I'm still learning! I was severely emotionally damaged when I first left home and I blame her for the majority of it but now that I have grown to be a better, more mentally stable person, I realize it wasn't easy for her. She had her own emotions and her own demons to face. She is more emotionally damaged that I could ever be so I'm learning to forgive her for all the things I blamed her for while growing up. I haven't always been the best daughter either.

Since she arrived here, I have been so stressed out because she puts me through an emotional roller coaster, daily! It's not easy but I know it's better I face it now while she is here rather than later when she is gone. I wont bore you with details but let's just say I'm going to do my best to ignore all the ignorant remarks she makes and the selfish things she does. I understand why she does this and I do not expect her to change this late in life so I will just bite down and try handling it better myself. I still love my mom, no matter what. I will still go out of my way to make her happy. I also can admit at times I make "smart-ass" comments to her and I disregard her feelings. The goal here is to work on that. I am hoping that maybe if she sees I am being nicer to her, she can consider my feelings a little more and understand where I am coming from.

Okayyyy. Now that I have bored you with 2-3 paragraphs of nothing that you probably care about, I will move on! Hahah.

Besides, this blog is about my little ones (:

We have two appointments tomorrow. The first one is just a check up where they get baby heart beats. The second is the wonderful non-stress test. Since I am on bed rest, I guess I will have to take the shuttle to instead of walk. This is killing me. Don't get me wrong, I love resting and being lazy on some rainy afternoons and even just days that I don't feel like doing anything - but seriously? I'm supposed to be a bum until I pop these things out. Omgoodness. I need board games in my life. Unfortunately there is not a PX on this post. Imagine my luck! My husband did leave the PS3 here with me though - I am very thankful. I do love me some Call of Duty. I also enjoy Netflix! Since the babes will be here within a few weeks, we all know that I am just not going to have time for those simple pleasures here soon. I will have bigger, better, sweeter pleasures! I can but cannot wait to meet my little ones!!

With the army being the way it is - imagine my embarrassment when a nurse asks me if I have car seats and I have to answer no.. Followed by her asking me if I have anything ready for the babes and the answer is still no. Mother of the freaking year, right here! Right. The most frustrating part of this whole ordeal is knowing I don't even have a home to call my own, let alone a nursery for my babies. We don't own a crib, we don't own a dresser, a stroller, car seats, diapers, breast pump, bottles, nothing! It's a horrible feeling. Hopefully within a couple weeks we will have a home, at least - but even then, it's cutting it close. Brandon will have to do all the shopping since I will definitely still be on bed rest then! I have made a pretty detailed list though - so I hope that helps. Most of the stuff is from the good ol' Wally World just to keep it simple! I am not interested in going all out. I would be if our situation wasn't as it is, especially with boy/ girl twins. I mean come on, since I was little all I've ever wanted was to be a teacher and a mommy. Well I'm knocking one out right now! Woo!

To top things off... Our household goods - seeing as how they were just shipped out Friday will not be here until pretty much August. I've never had a C-Section before but I can only imagine that getting up and down from an air mattress is not going to be the best thing for me. :/ I am trying to talk my husband into buying a new couch.... One - the couch that's being shipped from Germany isn't the most comfy, cute, cuddly couch. I can live with that but two - if we were to upgrade before the furniture got here, sleeping on the couch would be a lot more beneficial for my healing body. So if anyone wants to talk him into this for me, I would greatly appreciate it! He does his best to be there for me and relieve my stress but dear lord, some times he needs a push lol <3

So back to the whole, I "can" wait thing. I can wait because one - they need to "cook" as long as possible and two - we need to be better prepared. So wish us luck along the way! Any help is GREATLY appreciated! Thank you to the Howards, btw! They let us mail all our goodies to their home from the Baby Shower Sunny & Laura hosted for me before we left Germany. I do have great friends. I am lucky to be closer to Megan but sad to be far away from those in Germany. The military has it's way of making life bitter sweet. <3

Okay, okay - I get it. Bed rest has turned me into quite the blabber mouth. (; As always, thank you for reading! (: